Back on the rooftop
by False Premise
Summary: One shot. Set after the party episode. Inspired by a deleted scene in which the jazz loving girl Howard is after turns out to be Old Gregg. Howard/Vince. I don't own the Boosh the Boosh own me.


_**Set after the party episode in the 3rd series. Reviews welcome!**_

Later that night, back on the rooftop….

Howard crept up to the roof, his heart heavy with self-pity. Once again he was escaping from the shame and embarrassment of his love life. He should have known that beautiful jazz-loving angel was too good to be true. Why couldn't he get some romantic interest from someone, well, normal? He climbed the ladder and pushed back the door to the rooftop only to find that his retreat was already occupied. Vince was already on the roof. Howard's heart leapt. In a strange way Vince was exactly the person he wanted to see right now and also the very last person he wanted to see. He felt himself tense expecting Vince's big blue eyes to be looking right at him, taking in his present distress and he wondered whether Vince would comfort him or just take the piss. But Vince's blue eyes weren't looking at him. Vince didn't turn around. He hadn't heard Howard open the rooftop door. He was far to engrossed in weeping uncontrollably. Howard was momentarily startled out of his own self-pity. He'd never seen Vince crying like that. Sure, you can make Vince tear up by telling him stories about Mick Jagger having a bald patch but full-on uncontrollable gut-wenching weeping? He'd just never seen that kind of emotion from Vince, not even over the Lance thing. He stood for a moment watching, stunned and fascinated. Perhaps there was a side to Vince that, somehow, he didn't know? Whatever had happened to Vince it must have been dreadful. Howard wanted to talk to him, to comfort him but he didn't want Vince to know that he'd been standing there staring at him weep. It seemed wrong somehow to make him so vulnerable. So Howard pulled himself back down and shut the rooftop door only to re-open it again this time making plenty of noise so that Vince would know that he was there. Vince hurriedly wiped his eyes and set his big, blue tear-stained eyes on Howard. He even managed a big cheeky grin, his sadness seemingly melting away in an instant. Howard sat down beside him, "What's wrong, little man?"

Vince shrugged, "Dunno what you mean."

Howard smiled gently, "Your eyes are all red, have you been crying?"

Vince laughed seemingly without a care in the world, "Bollo's been up here, teasing me about Jagger having a bald spot. You know how that makes me tear up."

Howard nodded, "That all?"

Vince pulled a face, "I'm the sunshine kid, remember?"

Howard wondered what exactly Vince was keeping from him. Whatever it was he was doing a good job of hiding it. If he hadn't seen the heart-wrenching weeping for himself he'd have believed Vince's story about his tear-stained face. How long had Vince been keeping whatever it is from him?

Vince laughed, "Howard, don't go all serious on me. What's got you down anyway? I'd have thought you'd be with that jazz girl right now?"

Howard couldn't stop himself from shuddering in disgust, "Didn't work out. Anyway, why aren't you with that dolly-bird you picked up?"

Vince shrugged, "Got bored. You know me; I'm not ready to settle down. I play the field. There's plenty more dolly-birds out there."

Howard thought he detected a hint of sadness in Vince's voice as he answered and he concluded that Vince's weeping must have been about the girl. For some reason he couldn't quite put his finger on that made Howard feel quite angry. Was he defensive of Vince? Or just jealous because Vince could get the girls but he could only get…Howard shuddered again at the thought of it.

Vince was looking him up and down with his big blue eyes, his mind obviously working overtime beneath that cheeky fringe, "You're looking all strange Howard. What happened with the girl? Why didn't it work out?"

"Well" Howard licked his lips trying not to dwell on it and to find an answer that was both truthful and not too detailed, "She was just a bit… fishy…"

"Fishy?" Vince asked, confused, "What like she was conning you or something?"

"No, not exactly, she was sort of not who I thought she was"

Vince frowned, "Then who was she?"

Howard coughed, "Well, she was more like…umm…like…"

"I'm old Gregg!"

Howard and Vince both turned to see Gregg's scaly face pocking up through the door to the roof.

Howard coughed again, "Ah…more like that…"

Old Gregg clambered onto the rooftop and screamed, "I've got a mangina!" lifting up his pink tutu and giving Vince and Howard a viewing as he did so. "I've found you Howard. Is this our romantic evening spot? I love you Howard. Do you love me?"

Howard swallowed hard and Vince burst out laughing. Howard turned to Vince, "It isn't funny."

"It's hilarious!" Vince spluttered through his giggles.

"Do you love me, Howard?" Old Gregg asked again adding, "I'm Old Gregg!"

"We know who you are. No I don't love you. I told you." Howard replied.

"But you could love me," retorted Old Gregg.

"No, I couldn't. I'm, I'm in love with someone already." Howard answered desperately fumbling around for a way out of the situation and finding a story that had worked for Vince earlier that night and might just work again for him.

"Who?" demanded Old Gregg.

"I'm, I'm," Howard stuttered his eyes darting over to Vince who was still giggling, "I'm in love with Vince."

Vince smiled and stepped in on cue, "Yeah we're in love!"

Old Gregg's scaly fish eyes narrowed, "Prove it."

Vince grinned a cheeky grin, looked across to a terrified Howard and whispered, "It's already worked once tonight." Then he leant in and locked his lips with Howard's. Ridiculously, Howard could only think that this was it, his second kiss and once again it was with Vince. He had a feeling that that meant something. But he wasn't sure what. Probably just something about how pathetic he was. He relaxed into the kiss more this time and found himself really enjoying it. He even, embarrassingly, heard a low moan escape his mouth. He hoped Vince thought it was all part of the act. They pulled back, expecting the kiss to have once again done its magic but Old Gregg was unimpressed. His scaly fish eyes remained narrowed, "That proves nothing. Just a kiss. You've seen my downstairs mix-up."

"Yeah, but I didn't ask to see that, did I?" Howard replied.

"Have you seen his downstairs mix-up?" Old Gregg continued pointing at Vince.

"No," Howard replied quickly, too startled to say anything but the truth.

"Then you love me. I'm Old Gregg! C'mon Howard, you're my big strong man. I'm taking you back to Black Lake right now. We'll paint water colours and drink Baileys from a shoe…" Old Gregg said reaching out for Howard.

Howard just sat there as if waiting for the inevitable, as if he believed that being dragged away by a horrible sea monster was just his fate.

"No!" Vince shouted, "Get your hands off him! Listen to me, you big fish finger. We're in love. Howard is mine and you're not taking him away from me. Sure, I haven't gotten around to showing him my downstairs mix-up and sure, I only kissed him for the first time tonight and both times it was under false pretences, and sure I haven't even gotten around to telling him I love him and the one damn time he had the guts to say it to me I went and laughed. But we're still in love and he's still mine. So walk right on out of here and keep walking until you're deep in Black Lake."

Old Gregg frowned, "Old Gregg will give you time right now. Get round to it now. Then we'll let Howard decide."

Vince knelt down beside Howard who was looking completely overwhelmed by where this was going. Vince sighed and brushed his fringe out of his face, "Howard, I'm not just saying this, okay? It is true. I really do love you. I'm in love with you. I just, I've just been waiting for the right time I guess. I didn't want to freak you out. Well, and I guess I got a bit freaked out too. I didn't want to lose you or wreck our friendship. I hope I don't lose you now, Howard. I love you."

Howard stared into Vince's big blue eyes and swallowed hard. Deep in the pit of his stomach he felt an incredible realisation dawn- he wanted it to be true. He wanted what Vince was saying to be true so badly. But Vince was just lying to save him from Old Gregg, right?

"Show him your downstairs mix-up." Old Gregg interrupted.

"What?" replied Vince, "That's ridiculous. I'm not doing that."

"Then Howard is mine. I'm taking him now." Old Gregg grinned grabbing Howard's arm.

"No, wait! Don't take him! Hands off!" Vince answered, "Fine. Okay. I show him my downstairs mix-up and then we ask Howard to choose between us, right?"

Old Gregg nodded and took his hand back off Howard.

"And if he says he wants me then he stays right here and you go straight back to Black Lake and never bother him again." Vince continued.

Old Gregg nodded and grinned, "Yes. But he'll pick me. You love me, don't ya, Howard?"

"Promise? If he picks me he stays." Vince stressed.

"Yeah I promise" Old Gregg answered.

Howard's eyes kept darting from one to the other, looking increasingly terrified.

Vince sighed and gazed back at Howard while he stood up and begin fumbling with his belt, "I hope you forgive me this Howard. I didn't want it to be like this. I didn't think there was a like this to be honest. But if I had known there was a like this it wouldn't have been what I wanted" And with that he dropped his trousers, "Happy now?" Vince shouted looking at Old Gregg.

Howard stared straight into his best friend's downstairs mix-up and suddenly he wasn't scared anymore. From some part of his mind a little voice whispered "Touch him" and before Howard had time to process the situation he reached out…

Vince took a sharp intake of breath in surprise. His eyelashes fluttered and he gazed back down at Howard his big blue eyes full of sex, love and dreams coming true. Vince stumbled backwards into the chimney. Howard suddenly realized that it wasn't good for Vince to be stumbling around distracted while they were on the roof and he grabbed hold of Vince's legs, steadying him and helping him sit back down. Vince gazed up at Howard with obvious heat still in his eyes and Howard knew, knew through and through that Vince was telling the truth. Vince loved him. Vince laughed, "God, Howard, not that I don't appreciate the gesture, but do you really think that's the best timing? We're on a roof with a scaly man-fish, remember?"

Howard turned back to look at Old Gregg and Vince wiggled himself back into his trousers.

Howard cleared his throat, "I choose Vince. I, er..." Howard's eyes flicked back to Vince and he smiled, "I love him."

Vince grinned widely as he did his belt back up, "Cheers, Howard."

Howard laughed, "I really do, little man. I love you."

Vince chuckled, "After what you just did, Howard, I believe you."

Old Gregg frowned, "I believe you, too. I'm gonna miss you, Howard. I'm Old Gregg! I've got a mangina!" and with one last flashing he was off.

Howard and Vince barely noticed him go they were too busy staring into each other's eyes. Vince smiled, "Well I'm glad I finally said it, even if it did take a few threats by a giant fish-finger for me to pluck up the courage."

Howard laughed.

"I love you, Howard."

"I love you too, little man" and they both lent in for their third kiss. After much snogging Vince sighed, "Our first kiss not under false pretences."

Howard laughed again, he'd never felt so very happy.

"Howard?" Vince whispered giving him a cheeky sideways grin, "Why don't we pop back down to my bed and finish what you started?"


End file.
